legs. ewww.

This week's column is about the impact of spring fever on the nightlife scene. At least temporarily, the onset of warm weather seems to bring out more partiers.

The best thing about spring? It's the season of skimp, which I think works more to the benefit of males than females. Or maybe that's just me. For as long as I can remember, I have been absolutely petrified of men in shorts.

That's probably the most insensitive thing to say, since body heat doesn't discriminate across genders and everybody who has legs is bound to get hot at some point. But it seems like guys more than girls are not careful in their short selection.

Sometimes you just can't win. If guys wear shorts that are too short, they're often labeled effeminate...or just not cognizant of the visual impact of excessive leg hair and pale skin. And long shorts? They're fine, but in 97 percent of cases are coupled with really high socks. Then really, what's the point? If your entire leg is covered anyway, shouldn't you just wear pants?

Two more really bad things about men in spring fashion. First, basketball shorts are not the new khakis. Wear them when you play basketball and only when you play basketball. And if you don't play basketball, don't buy them. I don't play lacrosse and therefore I don't own lacrosse clothing. It's like that.

Finally, and perhaps most importantly, Tevas with socks. Bad. Very bad.

Are girls this bad?