Will & Jada's Open Relationship Might Be A Good Idea for Black Couples

By Chiderah A. Monde

Will Smith and Jada’s confession about their open marriage last year during an interview is still a hot topic. Since then people have been able to really think about what open marriage has meant for the Pinkett-Smith union, and what it could mean for black couples everywhere.

Black people continue to look up to Will and Jada as the pillar of black love. They represent the ideal successful black couple: complete with two gorgeous people in love, wealth, happiness and beautiful children to top it off.

It could all be so simple as to accredit their successful marriage to the agreement they have with each other, allowing them to be able to sleep with whomever they want as long as they inform each other of those happenings. Could it be that in this day an age, [open relationships + open communication] is the only formula that equals a successful relationship?

Let’s consider the possibilities.

The most important part of having an open marriage is that the idea eliminates the number one reason why people break up in this country- cheating. Open relationships require as much trust as one can possibly put in a person. Trusting them not to lie, trusting them not to hide things, and trusting them to remain faithful. It sounds like all of the basic necessities of a regular relationship are present.

Black couples that last are growing more and more rare. The current statistics claim that just about 45% of educated successful black women do not get married, and just as many get divorced. Those numbers are scary. At the same time interracial dating is becoming more popular, and more black men get involved with white, Asian, Latina and mixed women. For those situations where black women feel threatened about their husbands cheating, perhaps an open marriage could save them from this trouble, and save marriages from their demises.
Also, having an open relationship facilitates a key component of successful relationships- communication. Many marriage therapists focus mainly on the type of communication between husband and wife when couples come in to try and save marriages. People find that their spouses aren’t telling them things, especially when it comes to how they feel.

I don’t know, open relationships sound like a great idea. However, there must be dire disadvantages.

I asked some of my friends around campus, and got similar opinions about open relationships and open marriages. Most men agreed that they would love a woman who was gorgeous and successful, and who would allow them to sleep with other women. They said they would rather not know whom their wives are sleeping with, but if the trust between them is there, there shouldn’t be a problem. Most men could see themselves always coming back to their “80% women” regardless of who they slept with, since those outside relationships would be solely based on physical attraction. Will Smith said the same thing.

Most women that I talked to said that the situation is rather unrealistic. They all agreed that problems in the long run would be inevitable. They could see their men preferring the outside sex to their own, which would lead to wanting to leave, or more arguments about how drastically their sex lives have changed. It comes as no surprise to me that the women thought more about potential problems than the benefits of open relationships.

How about what an open relationship would mean for the black family?

When you take it outside the bedroom, it seems that an open marriage is not such a good idea. How do you explain to your kids “mommy and daddy spend nights with aunties and uncles”?

For Will and Jada, this conversation has to be had, considering their lives are public and their kids are sure to hear about it sooner or later.

Then there’s the problem of STDs and/or AIDS. Let’s be realistic, no sex is exempt from possibly introducing transmitted diseases- celebrity sex or not. Couples have to be twice as careful about using protection and being checked regularly for diseases, and extremely aware of the sexual history of the people they decide to sleep with. Maybe open relationships are not such a good idea…there’s all the extra background checking and detective work one must do just to have sex.

As far as religion goes- open marriages completely contradict morals established in the black church. Isn’t that considered adultery? But then again…so is cheating, and people still do it. God might not like this idea either. Accepting open marriage and open relationships in the black church would require review and revision of morals established by the church. As crazy as it sounds, open marriage is the “less immoral” way to commit adultery.

It may just be that having a Will and Jada kind of relationship can only work for Will and Jada.

Black couples that aren’t celebrities may not be as prepared to deal with problems such as children from outside relationships, STDs or AIDS, and paying for child support if children were to result from their extramarital affairs. Jada considers Will’s oldest son to be one of her own, even though he is a result of one of Will’s previous relationships. Jada has the patience, the money, and the time to take care of children that are not her own- most women do not.

I am not knocking the strategy though, I think some people would do well in these kinds of relationships, but it definitely isn’t for everybody. Just like marriage isn’t for everybody. It depends on the people involved and their personalities.

The Problem In Hollywood: Black Actresses Now Replaceable?

A movie that came out last month featured well known Estonian actress Mena Suvari as the lead character. The movie “Stuck” tells the story of a woman named Brandi who hits a homeless man with her car late one night, and is later is charged with his murder. The movie is based on the true story of a black woman named Chante Mallard who was convicted for the crime in 2001.

Suvari even has cornrows in the movie, giving her the look of being African-American even though they claim she portrays a “white trash” sort of character. Although she is a great actress- I do like some of her other work- I wonder why they couldn’t cast a black actress to play the role accurately, instead of distorting the character into what Suvari will be playing?

Black actresses are constantly competing for the same roles, and now with white actresses being able to look more “ethnic”, their chances of getting roles are diminishing. Jezebel.com features an article about the Suvari movie, and explores the unfortunate possibility of Black actresses becoming even more overlooked.

Ever since they have been allowed to act in movies, Black women have only been given roles as “mammies”- playing nannies to white children, cooks, and housekeepers, or “jezebels”- the seductive love interest, prostitute, or neighborhood man-stealer in every movie.

Nowadays, those two roles have been only a little bit broadened. Black women play secretaries and assistants (Wanda Sykes, Loretta Divine), or the typical Black family women in Tyler Perry-type Black movies (Angela Basset, Gabrielle Union, Nia Long, Kimberly Elise, etc). Often times Black women will be given the shot at action movies (Jada Pinkett-Smith, Halle Berry, Sanaa Lathan, Keri Washington, Gabrielle Union) but those only come after huge recognition and success of previous movies, or after suggestions of who would look good next to the successful Black men that star in them (Will Smith, Denzel Washington, Jamie Foxx).

It comes as no surprise that Black actresses are unhappy. In Essence’s December 2007 issue, there’s an article interview with Sanaa Lathan, Gabrielle Union and Nia Long about this topic. Union said, “I could make a living doing Black urban romantic comedies for the rest of my life…. But am I growing as an artist?” The personal accomplishment is not there for most of these ladies. They are not being paid fairly, and their years and years of acting is not reflected in their recognition.

Gabrielle Union also raised an interesting point in saying, “… they’ll complain on the blogs that we don’t have enough black stars. Well, you rip us to shreds every two seconds from our nose to the weave to the clothes to the shoes to the ashy ankles.”

Instead of supporting the few talented ladies that we have, the black community often resorts to criticism of how they are portrayed. Do we forget that the make-up and hair artists for these movies are white? The directors are white, the camera men are white, the lighting crew, publicists, clothing designers, casting directors, and everybody else that works on a movie….usually white. How can we expect them to completely and accurately reflect Black life?

Black culture in Hollywood only comes through what we see on the screen, and read in the pages. As an aspiring actress, I wonder what place in the line of Black actresses I will eventually get to with conditions like these. All of these ladies, especially my favorite actress Sanaa Lathan, have reason to complain about their roles. We as the Black audience and general public have to take notice, and be upset enough to try to change things and steer us in a direction where Black actresses are not overlooked and chosen second to somewhat “ethnic” looking white women.